HaPpiLy Ever after …🤔Single

Dear Dream,

One day, i was sitting in church during a sermon, when an elderly woman behind me kept peeping over my shoulders. Originally, I thought i was blocking her from seeing the pulpit. Her actions were becoming a distraction and I began to feel uncomfortable. So I turned to the side to give her a better view. However, i then realized that she was more concerned about my hands; as my hands became the center of her fascination. With curious eyes i stared at her. With outstretched hands she lightly patted my shoulders and whispered in my ear, “Wow! Can i see your engagement ring?” It was an awkward moment because I knew i wasnt wearing a ring. I wasnt even dating yet alone engaged.

Since i have started a new page, everyone wants to know when i am getting married? I can not count the amount of persons i have disappointed since i am not able to provide the answers they are seeking. Now my parents are debating on when they are getting grandchildren. Even my siblings are already awaiting the title of ‘uncle’. They have not made it easy since everyone is now singing the same tune that i am not getting younger.It would seem like i am not living a productive life.

As a single woman over thirty, i never knew that so much pressure would be placed on me to get married and have children. You should hear some of the comments people make as if it is not hard enough to meet the right person. “When i was your age, i had a husband and three children already,” chimed my nosy neighbour. I can remember wishing my godmother ‘Happy Mother’s Day ‘ recently and she gingerly responded, “When will I return the sentiment?”

I often wondered if men feel this immense pressure too. Do they feel like they are a burden to their parents because they are not married? Has it ever crossed their minds that they are getting older and they are running out of time? Are they being constantly told by family members and friends that they are not a ‘real man’ because they have not ventured into the next journey of life called ‘marriage’? Most importantly, is it a dire need for them to have children to carry on the family name?

In your journey of singleness, no one bothers to mention that it can be fulfilling. There are hardly people around to share how contented, peaceful and free they are in this phase of self discovery and self-improvement. No one tells of how satisfying it is to serve God and help others in this period. In fact, ‘Singleness’ and ‘loneliness’ are two words that a few of my friends would consider as members of the same family. As a result, i never get the impression from them that being single was ever a blessing.

When you are single very few people see your life as purposeful and happy. In my recollection, the term ‘Happily ever after’ never describes just the life of a single individual. The term usually comes at the end of a fairy tale, a good movie or even at the end of a wedding when the couple starts their journey together. There are so many people in this world who will never get married. Would it be fair to say that these persons will only experience “happily ever after’ only if they are married?

-Daneika K. Brackett (D.K.B)

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With this ring part 3

It was the night before graduation. I sat quietly in the living room in deep contemplation as to what would be my next move. For four years this man had been skillful to stay under the radar while cheating, lying and perfecting his craft of manipulating me to believe that i was the only one.

My chain of thought was interrupted when he emerged from the bedroom five minutes later. The ghastly look on my face must have piqued his interest because he was determined to know why i was so silent. I immediately beckoned to him to come closer as I held both his hands and i prayed aloud that the love of my life would speak the truth. 

At first he was frightened.I begged him to tell the truth and i assured him that i could take it. But what happened next unmasked the scales from my eyes and for the first time, i observed that he wasnt right for me.

He was dumbfounded when I asked if he had cheated on me. His cold hands quickly pulled away from mine amd our eyes ceased to meet. Then without warning, he frantically waved his hands at me and accused me of cheating on him. I got so angry, I gave him an ultimatum and i asked him again. This time, he pondered for a few seconds unwilling to offer any quick alibi to win his way out of the hardess trial we would ever face.  

He was unaware that i had found the recording of his mistress on the laptop and with the last fighting strength he had. He testily answered, “No, Lisa i love you and i would never do anything to hurt you.”  I couldnt hold back the tears because i knew he had lied. I shouted her name and i played the recording which i had saved on my phone. With both hands he grasped his head and knelt in front of me.His eyes were suddenly painted red. Fear cornerd him and his only escape was to tell his truth. Again he lied by stating that it was only a kiss. I never believed him.  I told him i was leaving and  only then he admitted that he had slept with his friend who had introduced us.

The months slowly trickled by. He wanted our relationship to work because according to him ‘we looked good together’ and finally, his mistress was not pregnant. I had so much love for him that in return i was loosing myself. I had sleepless nights, headaches, trust issues and i was becoming a shadow of my former self. This happened all because i was holding on to someone who was hurting me.  

I had to make a choice. In the end, i decided to forgive him and i moved on. I chose to love myself and I learned how to smile again. Presently, I am discovering me and enjoying my journey of singleness. I am happy and grateful every day that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

-D.K.B

With this ring…

“Love is patient. Love is kind…”

— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV  

Dear Dream,

My graduation should have been one of the happiest days of my life. I had to work hard and suffer many sleepless nights. But even then, it was still not enough. At one point, i was denied the privilege to graduate but within twenty-four hours God had made it possible.

So you can just imagine that with such great accomplishment, my loving family and friends would have traveled from near and far just to celebrate with me on that momentous occasion. That day also had marked the anniversary of a special friendship and i was hoping i would have heard the ring of wedding bells.

Instead on that day, my heavy eye lids fought long and hard to hold back the tears as i had just discovered that the relationship i had happily been apart of for four years was only a lie.

I was not the only woman.

… to be continued

-D.K.B