The secret love letter💌…

The untold story
I have always had a passion for writing. It was another world where my imagination could be creative with words. It was the only world where the shy me could be heard. I did a poetry course when I was in college. It magnified my raw emotions and I was able to heal once I had set them free. I was perceived as strong by many because I never let my feelings run wild. They were often caged and they were only allowed to show their true colours on a blank sheet of paper. In order, to pass the course, I had to write a poem for each class. The poems I wrote were good but they also evoked a melancholy mood. My best friend at the time, challenged me to write a poem on love for the final class. I never did it, all because of what had happened two years ago.

It all started one evening after church as I sat with my friend, Meg. I overheard Mark telling Eric that he was too shy to approach me. As I listened to Eric’s advice to Mark, I was impressed and it was that night that Eric caught my attention. I knew I was not interested in Mark and so I avoided the topic when Mark insisted that I answered a hypothetical question on dating him. I was sixteen years old and I wasn’t even allowed to date. I don’t remember what was said. However, I recalled that among the four of us that night, Eric and I monopolized the rest of the conversation that followed.

There was something about Eric that would naturally cause anyone to pay attention to him. He was tall and confident and if you ever got the chance to speak with him, you would realise that he was wise beyond his years. We spent a lot of time together forming a singing group and participating in several church activities that we become good friends. Every night when Meg and I would walk home from church, Eric and Mark would accompany us to ensure we got home safely. Those five minute walks sometimes took ten minutes as we laughed and chatted just so time could stand still and delay the four of us from parting.

It was one of those nights when Meg and Mark were ahead of us that Eric confided in me that he was migrating. He was leaving soon. In that moment, I did not know how to express how I felt. For a split second, I held his hand as if my life depended on it. He then told me that the others did not know and that it was a secret.

For the next few months, I thought of the best gift that I could give him. Each week I discovered something new about him and of all the things l had learnt, his love for poetry surprised me the most. He even entrusted me with his book of poems to take home. His style of writing was unique and refreshing. Again, I was impressed. It then gave me an idea of what I would get him.

On his final evening in Jamaica, he had to leave church early with his mother. Before he left, he hugged the life out of me. He told me that he was sad that he could not follow me home because he had to go home to help his parents pack his suitcase. However, he promised that he would come to my house in the early morning before leaving for the airport.

That night, I could not sleep. Goodbyes were hard for me. As I sat on my bed in the middle of the night, a flood of emotions gushed from me. I thought of all things I wanted to say and never did. It was there that I rewrote the letter I had for Eric which turned into my first and last love letter ever written by me.

It was about 5:50 am in the morning. Everyone was still asleep. I snuck out of bed. Then I quietly pulled the front door. I sat on the verandah and with a vigilant eye I searched for Eric. I was hoping that he would appear out of the early morning mist before my parents were up. It was not like him to not show up. I waited until the entire community was awake. He did not turn up and it broke my heart.

I did not eat my breakfast that morning. I remembered that I cried so much that my pillow was soaked with bitter tears. No one knew why I was so sad for the days that followed. I did not keep the letter. I tore it up and I buried all my feelings of love where no one could see or even detect them. The mystery of what happened, was never solved to this day and I never wrote another love letter again.

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With this ring part 3

It was the night before graduation. I sat quietly in the living room in deep contemplation as to what would be my next move. For four years this man had been skillful to stay under the radar while cheating, lying and perfecting his craft of manipulating me to believe that i was the only one.

My chain of thought was interrupted when he emerged from the bedroom five minutes later. The ghastly look on my face must have piqued his interest because he was determined to know why i was so silent. I immediately beckoned to him to come closer as I held both his hands and i prayed aloud that the love of my life would speak the truth. 

At first he was frightened.I begged him to tell the truth and i assured him that i could take it. But what happened next unmasked the scales from my eyes and for the first time, i observed that he wasnt right for me.

He was dumbfounded when I asked if he had cheated on me. His cold hands quickly pulled away from mine amd our eyes ceased to meet. Then without warning, he frantically waved his hands at me and accused me of cheating on him. I got so angry, I gave him an ultimatum and i asked him again. This time, he pondered for a few seconds unwilling to offer any quick alibi to win his way out of the hardess trial we would ever face.  

He was unaware that i had found the recording of his mistress on the laptop and with the last fighting strength he had. He testily answered, “No, Lisa i love you and i would never do anything to hurt you.”  I couldnt hold back the tears because i knew he had lied. I shouted her name and i played the recording which i had saved on my phone. With both hands he grasped his head and knelt in front of me.His eyes were suddenly painted red. Fear cornerd him and his only escape was to tell his truth. Again he lied by stating that it was only a kiss. I never believed him.  I told him i was leaving and  only then he admitted that he had slept with his friend who had introduced us.

The months slowly trickled by. He wanted our relationship to work because according to him ‘we looked good together’ and finally, his mistress was not pregnant. I had so much love for him that in return i was loosing myself. I had sleepless nights, headaches, trust issues and i was becoming a shadow of my former self. This happened all because i was holding on to someone who was hurting me.  

I had to make a choice. In the end, i decided to forgive him and i moved on. I chose to love myself and I learned how to smile again. Presently, I am discovering me and enjoying my journey of singleness. I am happy and grateful every day that there is light at the end of the tunnel.


With this ring…

“Love is patient. Love is kind…”

— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV  

Dear Dream,

My graduation should have been one of the happiest days of my life. I had to work hard and suffer many sleepless nights. But even then, it was still not enough. At one point, i was denied the privilege to graduate but within twenty-four hours God had made it possible.

So you can just imagine that with such great accomplishment, my loving family and friends would have traveled from near and far just to celebrate with me on that momentous occasion. That day also had marked the anniversary of a special friendship and i was hoping i would have heard the ring of wedding bells.

Instead on that day, my heavy eye lids fought long and hard to hold back the tears as i had just discovered that the relationship i had happily been apart of for four years was only a lie.

I was not the only woman.

… to be continued